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May 10, 2016

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An Advertisement for the Slinky Brand Motion Detector

Hey there, fellow Earth-dwellers! I recently took a business writing class in an effort to learn more about writing in the professional setting. This one-day class was really a 101 course, and most of the lessons were very remedial.

 

In one exercise, for instance, we had to take a long-winded paragraph about the dangers of carbon monoxide to boaters and boil it down to a single sentence expressing the same idea. In another, we learned that bulleted lists are great attention grabbers, but should max out at six items to avoid overwhelming the reader. You get the idea.

 

Our “class project” was a bit surprising. The instructor passed out a Slinky to everyone in class and told us to come up with a novel use for it. The class came up with some odd ideas, like using it as a hockey puck, or as a fake beard for parties. My idea wasn’t much better: I imagined it as a motion detector for physics experiments. Our project was to take this idea and pen a brochure advertising the Slinky to its target audience (physics teachers, in my case).

 

Did I mention I was having a hard time taking the class seriously? Well, I ended up writing the rather irreverent brochure you see below. It cracked up the whole class, so I figured I would share it here and see if you enjoy it.  Thanks for reading, and if you’re hanging out for a minute, check out the rest of the website!

J.D.

THE SLINKY BRAND MOTION DETECTOR

While most of us think of staircases when we see the Slinky, physics teachers around the country have discovered another use that you won’t believe! The latest Slinky model can be used as a highly-sensitive motion detector, and its many uses are driving students wild… Read on to learn more.

 

Why is the Slinky brand motion detector right for your class? Just look at all the experiments you can do:

  • Earthquake vibration

  • Fluid dynamics

  • Levitation phenomenon

  • Period of oscillation

  • Equilibrium amazement

  • Six item list formation

 

Here’s a quick and easy guide to help you maximize the benefits of the Slinky brand motion detector. An important tip before you begin: ALWAYS hang the Slinky upside down. NEVER hang the Slinky right side up, or carbon monoxide release may occur.

 

  1. Hang the Slinky from a reticulated suspension coil. Have a below-average student perform the hanging in case of an accident. 

  2. Submerge the Slinky in at least 3 inches of water, but not more than 4. For best results, ensure that the water temperature is between 45° and 46° Celsius, or between 150° and 155° Kelvin. Either one works!

  3. Initiate an earthquake.

  4. Here’s the easy part – sit back and watch the Slinky work its magic. Since it takes approximately an hour, you can guide the students through another experiment in the meantime.

  5. Collect readings from the coil barometer and compare them to your expectations. If you see more than a 0.004% difference, perform the experiment again from scratch, this time lowering the temperature by 3°, or raising it by 15°.

  6. And you're done!

 

 

As groundbreaking as these product features are, the best part of the Slinky brand motion detector is the price. Unlike accredited motion detectors, which can cost hundreds for a full set, the Slinky starts at ONLY $89.99!!! (Installment plans also available.) We’ll even throw in a pair of Slinky brand cufflinks, by themselves a $5 value. Schools serving underprivileged communities can also apply for a discounted rate. Please visit our corporate headquarters for further details.

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    © 2015-2020 by J.D. Gordon. All rights reserved, yada yada, etc.